to the grieving elder child

you'll be okay this year.

being the elder child is pretending everything is under your control when infact everything is almost falling apart. and i know that you know this feeling all too well, so i’m not going to spend another minute reminding you of your battles which you have to experience on almost a constant basis.

i hope, however, that when your world is falling apart, you just let it. i hope you know that it’s okay to let it fall and crumble. it doesn’t have to be what you have always grown up with. it doesn’t have to hold you back from grieving the life you didn’t and don’t get to experience. it’s okay to let your life, which exhausted you more than it saved you, crumble to pieces.

i hope that you pick those pieces up, and arrange them in a way which gives you more life than make you dread it. i hope, in the process of picking up those pieces and building a home for yourself and your loved ones, you prioritise your needs first. i hope that you’re not constantly burdened with the guilt of constructing a home for your own self. i hope that this home brings you immense comfort, like coming home to your favorite meal or the warmth of sunlight in winter.

more than anything, i hope in this home that you build for yourself, you can actually feel at home. i hope you can bring for yourself the peace which you’ve always desired for, and i hope that you do not feel lonely when you experience it.

let it be. you’ve worked hard enough. you’ll continue to work harder and smarter, i know, but let yourself fall every once in a while. experience how the earth and the grass and the fields feel, instead of just always staring up at the sky. it’s okay to be in the shade of trees when you feel too tired and sweaty to go on, and it’s okay to stand in the sunlight when the world feels too cold for you to handle.

i hope, elder child, that this year you can actually be instead of just existing. and i hope that you know, that you deserve to be, just as much as others do. i hope that instead of performing as an elder child, you can also let your inner child loose every once in a while. and i hope when you do, it feels like playing with your best friends endlessly and having fun while laughing to your heart’s content.

sending you lots of love and strength to be weak. i love you, and i’m very proud of you.

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hi! i’m officially an adult now, woohoo~ ^^ i do not have the means to have my paid subscriptions on, nor do i wish to since i want each one of you to be able to read what i write without monetising anything, however, i have finally opened a paypal! i’d appreciate any, and i mean it, any support which some of you may be able to provide :). it’s paypal.me/secretsoftheheartt <3 i love you, thank you so much for reading! ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡